Life As She Knows It

Can one easily say they would go to any great lengths to help a friend?  A simple exercise would be to think of the one person who you find to have a rather close friendship to.  Could you honestly say you would go out of your way to help them?  Comfort them?  Care for them?  These past two days have allowed me to think upon the subject of friendship and what it truly means to be a friend.  One of my best friends in the whole world ended up being hospitalized yesterday for a staph infection in his thigh and toe.  Yesterday was the day they finally admitted him to the hospital though they had to remove the ulcer from his leg and open up his toe.  Obviously not the most pleasant of thoughts.  But I and another friend of mine were there with him the entire time.  From receiving the news of the surgery to the moment he was admitted to the hospital.  We did our best to cheer him up as we donned our yellow robes and gloves.  Proceeding to make ourselves the fool we sang songs and danced around the room, told jokes and were ridiculous to the extreme.  It made him laugh and allowed him to forget about the pain in his leg and the anxiety that plagued his heart.  It made me feel good to know that our efforts had paid off.  Because we were there for him.  Because we were his friends he was grateful and we were happy.  Friendship is a beautiful thing.  It’s a powerful thing.  Though one could be in pain to know they have such wonderful friends there to support them could make all the difference in the world.

I know we can’t always run away from our problems.  We have to face them and beat them down.  Look the problem right in the eye and say “I’m not scared of you!  I won’t lose!” But I feel in some cases this is not always what one should do.  Should one stay somewhere they feel miserable?  Where for awhile all they want to do is leave and be in the one place that they feel at peace?  Is it wrong to want to do this?  To run back home?  I’ve been told that this is life.  That college is going to stress me out and yeah I know it will.  That friends will fight and talk behind each others backs, etc.  That doesn’t sound like life.  It sounds like high school.  Except you live there full time.  But I don’t feel like I fit here.  I haven’t felt that way for two years yet I tell myself to suck it up and deal with it because it is what everyone expects me to do.  And because I have friends.  But are friends really worth sticking it out somewhere I absolutely don’t want to be?  Sure they can cheer me up and help to distract me from what truly is bugging me but is that worth it?  Are my friends worth it?  I don’t think so.  I love them and I always will.  I care for them deeply but I fear they truly are not worth this.  But I have no where else to go.  Why is it that life wishes to box me in?  I do realize I am not alone.  There are others like me in situations like this. And it makes me wonder.  What do they do?  Do they stay despite the immense sadness they will experience?  Do they tough it out?  I could only hope they are stronger than I.  I will admit I am known to run from my problems but not anymore.  I am facing this problem but then what weighs on my heart is should I do what everyone expects of me and tough it out?  Or do what I know is right for me?  That is the universal question everyone asks themselves.  Should I do what others expect of me or do what I know is right for me?  But what if what is right for you is not what others think?  You can either do it anyway because you know it is right or you can crumble in fear because you do not wish to hear what they have to say or even face them for fear of judgment.  I think there really isn’t a right answer or a right choice anymore.  There are simply choices.  Whether they are right or wrong that is left to interpretation.

I must apologize for my sudden and rather long disappearance from tumblr.  To those who follow me on here I am here to inform you that I am back and will post something every week.  So look forward to reading a lot from now on.  I can only hope that I will continue to have you all following my blog here on tumblr and have you all reading my posts, reblogging them, liking them, commenting and more. 

I feel like I could write an entire book on that one subject but I will do my best to keep it short.  Love.  That word can bring both happiness and fear to a person’s heart.  The reason is because it truly is one of the most powerful things on the planet.  It can tear you apart from the inside out and at the same time raise you up to a state of happiness and euphoria you didn’t know even existed or that a human being could experience.  I believe love to be such a tender and tricky subject that I am finding myself hesitant in my typing.  I have gone through a great deal in terms of love whether it was true love or I convinced myself that I was in love.  Either way when you fall….you can fall so hard that you are afraid to pull yourself up and strongly walk away.  Why is it that most of us refuse to leave when we know it is in our best interest to do so?  Is it because we are afraid of being alone once more?  Or are do we truly love the person so much that we cannot bare to live without them?  I find at times it is both.  Either it is one of the two or both of them at the same time.  Think of this situation for a second.  You have been with someone for a year and you love them but at the same time you find that they are slowly beginning to control your life.  Telling you what they think you should do and what is best.  And though you feel it isn’t right.  And no matter how many times you talk about it with them it doesn’t change.  What do you do?  Do you leave?  Would you ever be able to?  I doubt it.  Maybe more women than I think are able to but from what I have seen in my life it would seem as though they refuse.  Because being alone is the biggest fear anyone can have.  Because we want more than anything to find true love.  To find the one we wish to be with forever.  But I think we try a little too hard.  And when you try to hard you might just scare away the one who could truly love you for the rest of your days.  Humans are such simple creatures, we do not require much.  And the one thing we want more than anything else in this world is just to be loved. 

As I sit here in my room, my roommate blasting videos of game play from Left for Dead 2 surprisingly it got me thinking about my future.  Maybe it was because I looked around at her clothes and bedding packed away in trash bags, but it caused me to realize that I only have a year and a half left here before I’m thrown out into the world to start my own life.  But for the past few days I have thought about what my life will become and how the choices that I make from here on out will affect it.  Every time someone asks me what my major is or what I want to do of course I will answer with radio.  Because I dream of the day my voice will help start a positive revolution of change or that I may help someone’s life for the better. And this makes me wonder just how loud will I have to become in order to get my voice heard?  And will my words ever truly get through to people?  We all worry about the future especially in today’s job market.  And my generation is inheriting a world that needs a lot of TLC.  On a scale that sometimes seems a little too high for us to fulfill.  Our future relies on the choices we make both individually and as a society and at times I feel as though we forget both the former and the latter.  Our world is slowly dying around us and it needs us to make better choices in order for it to heal and become what it once was so many many years ago.  Vibrant and alive.  We need to change ourselves, to open our eyes to the evils we have done to the planet that has given us a home.  That has allowed us to use its resources and cultivate its land.  This earth is our one true mother above all others and she is crying out for us to help her.  Let us not ignore her pain.  And give both her and ourselves a better future.